Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
