we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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