i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
