You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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