I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
