Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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