You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
