Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
