I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
