I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
