no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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