you're like a bully in the Christmas story
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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