I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
