does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
