i just wanna soil my oats bro
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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