I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
