Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just googled if crying burns calories
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
