You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
