i would punch a child for taco bell
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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