Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
