508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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