**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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