Apparently you make a good broom.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
