An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
