No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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