This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
