Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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