so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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