I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
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