i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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