I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
