Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
