ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
