2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
