He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
