This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
