when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My ass is underappreciated
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
