Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
