She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
