I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
