my vag is so smooth its legendary
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
