if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
