five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
