I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
