I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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