i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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