Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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