You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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