Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
