wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
